Tuesday, April 13, 2010
What I'm Listening To Right Now!!!
My fellow STLien...Teresa Jenee (aka Terenifer lol) released this EP back in December 2008. However, I felt compelled to post this tonight. I love each track on here, and my favorite right now is "Break My Heart"...it stays on repeat. Go download the EP here: http://www.zshare.net/download/52521827792eab7c. You won't be disappointed.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Quote Of The Day
"Your outlook on life is a direct reflection on how much you like yourself"
- Unknown
- Unknown
That's What SHE Said...
I love Jill Scott! Always have and always will. I can't say that I disagree with her remarks about interracial dating in the essay below, and as a matter of fact I believe she hit it on the nail. As much as I love Jilly from Philly, I do think it's a little suspect for this essay (which she wrote for Essence Magazine)to come out just as Why Did I Get Married Too is making it's way into theaters on Friday. I posted her essay, and a video of her elaborating on it below...
My new friend is handsome, African-American, intelligent and seemingly wealthy. He is an athlete, loves his momma, and is happily married to a White woman. I admit when I saw his wedding ring, I privately hoped. But something in me just knew he didn’t marry a sister. Although my guess hit the mark, when my friend told me his wife was indeed Caucasian, I felt my spirit…wince. I didn’t immediately understand it. My face read happy for you. My body showed no reaction to my inner pinch, but the sting was there, quiet like a mosquito under a summer dress.
Was I jealous? Did the reality of his relationship somehow diminish his soul’s credibility? The answer is not simple. One could easily dispel the wince as racist or separatist, but that’s not how I was brought up. I was reared in a Jehovah’s Witness household. I was taught that every man should be judged by his deeds and not his color, and I firmly stand where my grandmother left me. African people worldwide are known to be welcoming and open-minded. We share our culture sometimes to our own peril and most of us love the very notion of love. My position is that for women of color, this very common “wince” has solely to do with the African story in America.
When our people were enslaved, “Massa” placed his Caucasian woman on a pedestal. She was spoiled, revered and angelic, while the Black slave woman was overworked, beaten, raped and farmed out like cattle to be mated. She was nothing and neither was our Black man. As slavery died for the greater good of America, and the movement for equality sputtered to life, the White woman was on the cover of every American magazine. She was the dazzling jewel on every movie screen, the glory of every commercial and television show. She was unequivocally the standard of beauty for this country, firmly unattainable to anyone not of her race. We daughters of the dust were seen as ugly, nappy mammies, good for day work and unwanted children, while our men were thought to be thieving, sex-hungry animals with limited brain capacity.
We reflect on this awful past and recall that if a Black man even looked at a White woman, he would have been lynched, beaten, jailed or shot to death. In the midst of this, Black women and Black men struggled together, mourned together, starved together, braved the hoses and vicious police dogs and died untimely on southern back roads together. These harsh truths lead to what we really feel when we see a seemingly together brother with a Caucasian woman and their children. That feeling is betrayed. While we exert efforts to raise our sons and daughters to appreciate themselves and respect others, most of us end up doing this important work alone, with no fathers or like representatives, limited financial support (often court-enforced) and, on top of everything else, an empty bed. It’s frustrating and it hurts!
Our minds do understand that people of all races find genuine love in many places. We dig that the world is full of amazing options. But underneath, there is a bite, no matter the ointment, that has yet to stop burning. Some may find these thoughts to be hurtful. That is not my intent. I’m just sayin’.
My new friend is handsome, African-American, intelligent and seemingly wealthy. He is an athlete, loves his momma, and is happily married to a White woman. I admit when I saw his wedding ring, I privately hoped. But something in me just knew he didn’t marry a sister. Although my guess hit the mark, when my friend told me his wife was indeed Caucasian, I felt my spirit…wince. I didn’t immediately understand it. My face read happy for you. My body showed no reaction to my inner pinch, but the sting was there, quiet like a mosquito under a summer dress.
Was I jealous? Did the reality of his relationship somehow diminish his soul’s credibility? The answer is not simple. One could easily dispel the wince as racist or separatist, but that’s not how I was brought up. I was reared in a Jehovah’s Witness household. I was taught that every man should be judged by his deeds and not his color, and I firmly stand where my grandmother left me. African people worldwide are known to be welcoming and open-minded. We share our culture sometimes to our own peril and most of us love the very notion of love. My position is that for women of color, this very common “wince” has solely to do with the African story in America.
When our people were enslaved, “Massa” placed his Caucasian woman on a pedestal. She was spoiled, revered and angelic, while the Black slave woman was overworked, beaten, raped and farmed out like cattle to be mated. She was nothing and neither was our Black man. As slavery died for the greater good of America, and the movement for equality sputtered to life, the White woman was on the cover of every American magazine. She was the dazzling jewel on every movie screen, the glory of every commercial and television show. She was unequivocally the standard of beauty for this country, firmly unattainable to anyone not of her race. We daughters of the dust were seen as ugly, nappy mammies, good for day work and unwanted children, while our men were thought to be thieving, sex-hungry animals with limited brain capacity.
We reflect on this awful past and recall that if a Black man even looked at a White woman, he would have been lynched, beaten, jailed or shot to death. In the midst of this, Black women and Black men struggled together, mourned together, starved together, braved the hoses and vicious police dogs and died untimely on southern back roads together. These harsh truths lead to what we really feel when we see a seemingly together brother with a Caucasian woman and their children. That feeling is betrayed. While we exert efforts to raise our sons and daughters to appreciate themselves and respect others, most of us end up doing this important work alone, with no fathers or like representatives, limited financial support (often court-enforced) and, on top of everything else, an empty bed. It’s frustrating and it hurts!
Our minds do understand that people of all races find genuine love in many places. We dig that the world is full of amazing options. But underneath, there is a bite, no matter the ointment, that has yet to stop burning. Some may find these thoughts to be hurtful. That is not my intent. I’m just sayin’.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Here's one new Usher song I DO like...
This is off the new album Raymond V. Raymond. Sorry it sounds like a cassette tape...
OMG....FAIL!!!
Once upon a time, Usher was the one to beat. With every album released, he just kept getting better and better. Now he's getting worse, poor thing. Although he's still quite talented, does he need to hang it up? Is there an Usher DOOMSDAY in the near future? People are saying his marriage to Tameka Foster ruined his career. I don't really know about that. Maybe he's just trying much too hard to compete with the likes of Trey Songz and whoever else is hot out there. Well Usher has a new video out called, "OMG". This new jawn was produced by and also features will.i.am. I don't like it at all. Couldn't even finish watching the video. The choreography is mediocre. I mean, he's doing dance moves that I can do. I'm still an Usher fan but this song and video does nothing for me. See for yourself...that's if you can get through the whole thing.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Quote of the Day
"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left."
— Marilyn Monroe
— Marilyn Monroe
Anti-Chaser!
Last week someone told me I have the ego of a male. Simply because I stated "I don't sweat anyone". Well its true. I DON'T sweat anyone. I'm not down for making a fool out of myself? No matter how into a person I am, I refuse to chase them ESPECIALLY if it appears the feeling isn't mutual. People say a lot of things, but it means nothing if their actions don't match their words. I've had my share of broken hearts along the way. To me, that's one of the worst types of pain. After each I thought I'd learned my lesson. However, I constantly found myself duct taping and super-gluing my heart back together. I'm naturally a very loving person and I give people the benefit of the doubt...sometimes a little too much. I'm good at reading people, so I see red flags almost immediately. Still I choose to ignore the flags and think "oh, well maybe I'm just reading too much into things" or either "I will give them a shot". I just want to refrain from being judgemental, and give people a fair chance. But 8 out of 10 times I've been disappointed. Being too nice and too available can really set you up to get hurt. A good friend said to me yesterday, "never make someone a priority, when you are just an option to them". I've heard that quote before years ago, but I dismissed it. Now it plays in my head like a broken record. I've added it to the lists of quotes I live by. If you have to chase something, maybe you aren't supposed to have it. So in response to that comment...I don't have the ego of a male. I just don't waste time on someone who doesn't make time for me. POW!!!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Check My Razors...
I’m not really the girly girl type, and I don’t have a lot of accessories. However, I decided I needed to step my game up and own more than just two pairs of earrings (one pair belongs to my old roommate Tracie). So I ordered a super cute pair of earrings from an online boutique by the name of SewFunky Handcrafted Jewelry & Accessories. The boutique is owned by my fellow St. Louis native Jennifer Walker. The earrings I purchased look like razor blades, and I love them because they are very fitting for a true gangsta like myself (word). I snapped a pic of them below so take a look. Also, make sure you visit www.lovesewfunky.com for other “funky” designs.
Please note: She does custom orders too just in case you want to rock something ain’t nooooobody else rockin'.
Please note: She does custom orders too just in case you want to rock something ain’t nooooobody else rockin'.
Shout Out to the Break-Up!
2009 started off horribly for me. I ended a relationship, was broke all the time, my diet was poor, lost a lot of hair. You name it! Every move I made was the wrong one. I won’t get into the reason why the relationship ended (at least not now), but just know I was very depressed around that time. I felt like everything in my life was going downhill and I lost trust in a lot of individuals. I was hurting inside. Some people thought I was overreacting, which made it hard for me to talk to about it. Eventually I realized that break up was the BEST thing to ever happen to me. The quote: “You don’t know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have”, is so true. I had no choice but to wipe the tears away from my eyes, hold my head up, and stick my chest out. I knew it was time for me to stop feeling sorry for myself and get my life on track.
Ever since I was a kid, I had the desire to move to New York City. I knew St. Louis (my birthplace) was not the place for me. In fact, I remember asking my mom if she could take me to New York so that I could be on Sesame Street. The break up was painful, but it gave me a feeling of freedom I didn’t have before. One day, I didn’t feel like going into to work so I just stayed in bed. I decided that day as I stared at the ceiling, “I’m definitely leaving St. Louis, I’m definitely leaving now”. People thought I was leaving STL to run away from my problems, but they couldn’t have been more wrong. I left because I had a strong desire to do so, and I knew the move was long overdue. Originally, I planned to move to Las Vegas because I have an uncle there. But my heart was set on New York City. Even my mom said, “Vegas is nice and all, but I see you in New York”.
Long story short, I listened to my mom and followed my heart. I moved to New York City as a 28th birthday present to myself. I would like to get into every single detail on how I ended up here, but I’ve already written quite a bit. I will tell you this though….everything fell into place as soon as I arrived at Penn Station. I stepped out on faith and pursued my inner most desire. I figured I had absolutely NOTHING to lose. The only way I was going to fail was if I believed I was going to fail. During my healing process I learned I could get what I wanted by actually believing I deserved it, and feeling good about it. I believed I deserved to live in this city. I felt good about it. I imagined myself doing something that has to do with photography and having my own apartment (which to many is almost impossible in NYC). People doubted me, said I was way too timid to live in such a cutthroat city. “Oh she will be running back to St. Louis in no time!”, they said. These were goals I had, and I didn’t allow negativity to come in and stop me from accomplishing them. Getting to the point where I believed good things would happen for me was difficult at first. In the beginning I kept saying “my life sucks”, and my life kept “sucking” until I stopped thinking so negatively. I started loving myself too much to keep ruining my life with unhealthy thoughts.
So what started off as the worst year of my life, ended up being so far the best and most important year of my life. 2009 was the year I learned how strong I was, how important believing is, and how to really enjoy life. I believed I would get a job related to photography and I did. I believed I would get my own apartment, and after living with roommates (and a plastic fork situation we won’t talk about) I got that too. Don't think I didn't struggle, because I did. At one point I had to sleep in a car, but we won't talk about that either *wince*. Sometimes we have to go through bad, horrible things to really appreciate the great things that are to come. I’m genuinely happy now for the first time ever in all of my 28 years of living. I’m not saying it takes moving to another state to be happy. However when you know your inner most desires, actually believe you deserve them, and step out on faith…you can’t go wrong. In my opinion, those are the ingredients to happiness. We all want to be happy right?
Ever since I was a kid, I had the desire to move to New York City. I knew St. Louis (my birthplace) was not the place for me. In fact, I remember asking my mom if she could take me to New York so that I could be on Sesame Street. The break up was painful, but it gave me a feeling of freedom I didn’t have before. One day, I didn’t feel like going into to work so I just stayed in bed. I decided that day as I stared at the ceiling, “I’m definitely leaving St. Louis, I’m definitely leaving now”. People thought I was leaving STL to run away from my problems, but they couldn’t have been more wrong. I left because I had a strong desire to do so, and I knew the move was long overdue. Originally, I planned to move to Las Vegas because I have an uncle there. But my heart was set on New York City. Even my mom said, “Vegas is nice and all, but I see you in New York”.
Long story short, I listened to my mom and followed my heart. I moved to New York City as a 28th birthday present to myself. I would like to get into every single detail on how I ended up here, but I’ve already written quite a bit. I will tell you this though….everything fell into place as soon as I arrived at Penn Station. I stepped out on faith and pursued my inner most desire. I figured I had absolutely NOTHING to lose. The only way I was going to fail was if I believed I was going to fail. During my healing process I learned I could get what I wanted by actually believing I deserved it, and feeling good about it. I believed I deserved to live in this city. I felt good about it. I imagined myself doing something that has to do with photography and having my own apartment (which to many is almost impossible in NYC). People doubted me, said I was way too timid to live in such a cutthroat city. “Oh she will be running back to St. Louis in no time!”, they said. These were goals I had, and I didn’t allow negativity to come in and stop me from accomplishing them. Getting to the point where I believed good things would happen for me was difficult at first. In the beginning I kept saying “my life sucks”, and my life kept “sucking” until I stopped thinking so negatively. I started loving myself too much to keep ruining my life with unhealthy thoughts.
So what started off as the worst year of my life, ended up being so far the best and most important year of my life. 2009 was the year I learned how strong I was, how important believing is, and how to really enjoy life. I believed I would get a job related to photography and I did. I believed I would get my own apartment, and after living with roommates (and a plastic fork situation we won’t talk about) I got that too. Don't think I didn't struggle, because I did. At one point I had to sleep in a car, but we won't talk about that either *wince*. Sometimes we have to go through bad, horrible things to really appreciate the great things that are to come. I’m genuinely happy now for the first time ever in all of my 28 years of living. I’m not saying it takes moving to another state to be happy. However when you know your inner most desires, actually believe you deserve them, and step out on faith…you can’t go wrong. In my opinion, those are the ingredients to happiness. We all want to be happy right?
I'm NOT Diddy!
Tonight I’m home and it’s a Saturday (I know it's technically Sunday now but...). I’ve had more than enough people ask me what I’m doing staying in on a Saturday night. The answer is simple…I just don’t feel like going out. Of course I would like to get out of my apartment and do fun things every now and then, but I’m just not feeling it tonight. I’m thinking about how I need to be more frugal with money. I can be responsible with my finances and always make sure my bills are paid first, so that’s no problem. However, I thought I was Diddy last weekend and spent way too much money. I looked at my bank statement and thought, “what was I thinking???” Why did I go out to dinner so much (and I always leave really good tips)? Did I really need that Green Tea Foot Spa pedicure and manicure in Times Square. Um…no!!! With what I spent on that “luxury” alone, I could have gone to Whole Foods Market and stocked up on groceries to last me at least a week. That way, I wouldn’t have to make up meals using what’s left of the food in my kitchen. Today I made something I like to call IBP Navy Bean Surprise. The acronym…“In Between Paychecks”….the surprise…I used everything in my kitchen to make it, and it was a surprise it was actually edible. I’ll provide the recipe for you brave souls who’d like to try it. I have three more days left until payday, and that means I will be creating more “surprises” in my kitchen until then. Being in between paychecks after an “I Want To Be Like Diddy” weekend is not fun by any means. Just thinking about all the crap I wasted money on these last couple of weeks annoys me. So as punishment for being irresponsible, I’ve decided to challenge myself and refrain from getting any spa baths or going out to dinner, etc. for 30 days. I would go longer, but I’ll see how this trial pans out first. I should save a lot and then maybe I can have salmon and steamed veggies (my fav, yum) for dinner instead of navy beans. I’m making sure this will not happen again. Even though I have a job that pays decent, that doesn’t mean I’m permitted to “make it rain” every single time I get paid. I’m not Diddy!
IBP Navy Bean Surprise Recipe
Ingredients:
1 can of Goya Navy Beans (the brand really doesn’t make a difference)
½ cup chopped green onions
1 cup of broccoli
1 cup of peas
1 crumbled black bean veggie burger
cayenne pepper
garlic pepper seasoning
1 teaspoon of olive oil
Heat olive oil in skillet. Combine green onions, broccoli, peas, and veggie burger. Sautee (this word makes me hungry like, automatically) for about 8-10 minutes. Next, add navy beans and let that cook for another 7 minutes. Food cooks really fast on my stove, so your cooking time may vary. Lastly, season to your liking and enjoy
Note: I know it would be appropriate to post a picture but I ate it all. If anyone actually tries this recipe, please let me know how it turns out.
IBP Navy Bean Surprise Recipe
Ingredients:
1 can of Goya Navy Beans (the brand really doesn’t make a difference)
½ cup chopped green onions
1 cup of broccoli
1 cup of peas
1 crumbled black bean veggie burger
cayenne pepper
garlic pepper seasoning
1 teaspoon of olive oil
Heat olive oil in skillet. Combine green onions, broccoli, peas, and veggie burger. Sautee (this word makes me hungry like, automatically) for about 8-10 minutes. Next, add navy beans and let that cook for another 7 minutes. Food cooks really fast on my stove, so your cooking time may vary. Lastly, season to your liking and enjoy
Note: I know it would be appropriate to post a picture but I ate it all. If anyone actually tries this recipe, please let me know how it turns out.
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